Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Monday 2/22/12

The road is slick with slushy, spotily salted snow. Despite the hype, even the Subaru is having trouble. Why didn't she just stay home? The world of chemistry would survive a day without her. Doesn't Ken tell her that all the time?

Except she doesn't believe him. Not for a second. Her students will fuck everything up. They'll trudge across campus through the snow, hungover from Thursday night, to check on the tubes in the centrifuge machine that runs all night, and then let them defrost on the lab bench. They'll mess with her laser settings. They have no respect, no notion of how hard she works to keep it all going.

She tightens her fists on the steering wheel and navigates the hill. The car is dead quiet on the road. How did this happen? Life was so much easier before she agreed to get married, move out to the suburbs. When she lived across the street from campus, she could stay in the lab all night if she wanted, no one else the wiser.

What if she were six months pregnant, as Ken so wishes her to be? She wouldn't be out driving in this, that's for sure. The thought of staying home, of turning back, of missing all that will happen in the lab today, is impossible. Unthinkable, really. She's not six months pregnant.

But what if she were? Sometimes she tries to imagine it: giving birth, raising a child. If Ken was so keen on having kids, why did he marry her? He's probably thinking the same thing.

Her phone buzzes and chirps in her pocket. She puts him on speakerphone, secretly loving that he's checking up on her.

"Sarah, hey, did you make it?"

"I'm on Chucky's hill. It's really slow going."

"Okay, I won't keep you on the phone. I love you. Call me when you get there."

"Will do. Love you, too."

And she does. Against all odds, she'll call him when she gets there. He takes care of her, and she let's him. It's a new behavior. This visiting writing professor who turned out to be Ken actually swept her off her feet. No one at the time could believe it. The whole chemistry department walks on eggshells around her, and this guy waltzes in and marries her? Unbelievable.

She can't believe it herself.

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